


Keepsake Studio

by lucaelum



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Clothed Sex, Coming Out, Friends to Lovers, Frottage, Getting Together, Grinding, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:27:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24959122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucaelum/pseuds/lucaelum
Summary: Minhyuk is a whirlwind who scatters little pieces of himself around as he goes. Jooheon starts a collection of them and it's more than just physical.(7/30 edit: second chapter added!)
Relationships: Lee Jooheon & Lee Minhyuk, Lee Jooheon/Lee Minhyuk
Comments: 13
Kudos: 85





	1. Chapter 1

Minhyuk has recently made himself at home in Jooheon’s private studio, but Jooheon can’t say that he minds it too terribly. It feels like he’s slowly trying to move himself in. There are forgotten belongings of his strewn all over the room from his visits: a set of paints in the corner of the floor used to make a phone case for Jooheon as a gift, an empty coffee cup in Jooheon’s peripheral from a few days ago, a jacket that Minhyuk likely doesn’t even remember is here resting on the spare chair. He leaves pieces of himself wherever he goes and as distracting as it is sometimes, Jooheon thinks he likes the feeling. He likes knowing that while the space is his own and he has access to privacy whenever he wants it, he’s also not alone here either. Loneliness is something Jooheon is incredibly sensitive to, especially while working alone for hours on end, so the company has been a welcome change in his routine. Looking over when he’s feeling burnt out and blocked and seeing proof that someone has been here with him makes him feel like he’s back at the dorms, like he’s home. 

After the first couple of consecutive surprise visits, Jooheon eventually just gave Minhyuk the passcode to his studio’s door because letting him in was too much of a hassle, and now, he just appears with no warning and lets himself in. But Jooheon doesn’t mind it simply because it’s Minhyuk. (There’s a lot Minhyuk can get away with just by being himself, Jooheon thinks.) Anyone else and it would surely be a nuisance, but knowing his hyung could show up at any minute while he works just to hang out makes him feel content.

Lately, he finds himself actively looking forward to him throughout the day, waiting and listening to hear the door click open, though he isn’t sure why exactly. All they do most of the time is sit together in silence, Jooheon working with headphones on and Minhyuk usually on his phone or sitting on the floor fidgeting with a customization he’s working on. It’s not much different from being at home and doing the same. But something about the fact that they spend that time together not just because they live and work together, but because they want to, makes him feel giddy. Like a school kid excited to see his favorite friend after school. When he thinks about it too long he wonders if it’s something he should feel embarrassed about, maybe.

Minhyuk even sometimes comes over on days that they don’t have anything scheduled, a rare free day that the others typically spend lazing at home. It’s not unusual for Jooheon to spend his days off here: he has too much work to do on songs for various projects that he doesn’t like the idea of getting behind on. But Minhyuk coming to the company building when he has no work to do simply means that he wants to see Jooheon and Jooheon only and it makes him feel something he can’t quite describe. Special, maybe. Wanted. Minhyuk has always had a special fondness for him and he tries not to question a good thing too closely. 

Today is one of those fully schedule free days: one of two in a row, something even rarer and more exciting for the group as a whole. At dinner the night before they had all discussed going out shopping and maybe somewhere like an arcade or a bowling alley today to make the most of this first day off, leaving the second for relaxing and catching up on sleep, but Jooheon decided to pass in exchange for work. The rest tried to change his mind (especially Changkyun, who was allowing himself a break for once) but Jooheon just couldn’t let a chance to work at his own pace for such a long period of time pass him by. 

He finds himself at his studio, one side of his headphones already off to wait for the sound of footsteps, before he realizes that Minhyuk likely isn’t coming today. For some reason, he feels a little bit let down at the thought and he wonders to himself if that’s selfish of him. Of course Minhyuk should choose to spend his time with the others on his day off, doing something fun for once like he deserves. He can’t expect him to come and sit in a quiet room with him just because. Jooheon knows he’s special to Minhyuk, but not that special. For some reason though, he can’t shake the feeling of disappointment. He ends up putting his headphones back on the way they’re intended and trying to submerge himself in his work the way he should.

Productivity doesn’t come easily today, however. Jooheon feels itchy, irritable. He works and reworks the same section of a song more than twenty times (not that he’s keeping count.) His mother calls and he gets caught up chatting about everything and nothing for too long before telling her that he should be working. He wonders how Yoshi and Gucci are doing back at home. He falls down a rabbithole of old Trot performance videos on Youtube. His mind is anywhere but his work and these moods are the most frustrating of all for Jooheon. Inattention and his natural work-a-holic tendencies clash terribly and leave him feeling exhausted more than anything.

A few hours of frustration later, the smell of food suddenly wafts through the room. He wonders if he can really smell someone’s lunch all the way from the common area on the same floor, and turns around in curiosity to look towards his door. He jumps higher than he thinks he probably ever has before seeing, instead of his empty room and closed door, Minhyuk kicking his shoes off with bags of takeout in his hands. 

Unfortunately, Minhyuk sees the way Jooheon startles and tears off his headphones as quickly as humanly possible, and he laughs mercilessly in disbelief.

“Uhh, Heonie? You okay there?” He toes his remaining shoe off and nudges it into the far corner sloppily. “Did you not hear me come in? You usually always do.”

“Aish,” Jooheon clutches the front of his shirt, trying to still his racing heart. “You scared the _shit_ out of me, hyung. I was really focused on my work.” A lie, but a white one. He looks Minhyuk over, the other just in casual sweats and a loose T-shirt, the one with the anime character from the volleyball series Jooheon doesn’t know. He looks like he just rolled out of bed at home. “Did you not go to the mall with the others? I thought you were all out shopping today.”

Minhyuk, finally no longer giggling at Jooheon’s expense, sets the heavy takeout bags down and two coffees from their usual spot on the small table in front of Jooheon’s new futon couch (that he may or may not have purchased because of the frequent company). He shrugs noncommittally, throwing himself down on the couch and digging through the contents of the bags. 

“You know how shopping with Kihyun and Hyungwon is. I decided against it this time. I wanna focus on making stuff more anyway.”

Jooheon, in fact, very much knows how shopping with Kihyun and Hyungwon is. He can’t deny it wasn’t at least part of his reason for declining as well.

Jooheon rolls his chair over in front of the table to sit across from Minhyuk. He helps him start to unpack the food, mouth already watering despite not even knowing what waits for him in the contents. He hadn’t realized how hungry he had gotten; lunch time has long since passed. He isn’t very good at making sure to feed himself on time when he works, usually relying on Minhyuk or phone alarms (that he forgot to set today) as a reminder. An artist thing, maybe. 

“Donkatsu and black bean noodles,” Minhyuk states before Jooheon even has the chance to ask. “Because I wanted both and couldn’t decide. And some dumplings too, for you.” He puts the small styrofoam container in front of Jooheon and opens it for him.

Jooheon feels like he could cry. He pretends to, in the theatrical way they like to play around together.

“Minhyukie-hyung,” he fake sniffles to drive it home, “What would I do without you, huh? You saved my life, really, I was _dying._ I think I _am_ dead actually. I’m probably a ghost right now.”

Minhyuk snorts, somehow already stuffing a huge piece of donkatsu into his mouth gracelessly. “And you’re haunting me? Scary.” He talks with his mouth half full. Jooheon lets it slide just this once because he’s just as guilty. “I know you don’t remember to eat lunch, stupid. That’s why I didn’t ask first.”

Ravenously tearing open the plastic container with his portion of noodles and stirring it with his chopsticks, Jooheon laughs. “I think you might know me too well lately.” 

“Who’s gonna make sure our precious Honeyttang eats if not me? It’s a tough job, someone’s gotta do it.”

The nickname makes Jooheon’s ears feel warm. He almost drops a dumpling into his drink. Minhyuk almost chokes laughing at him.

They’re mostly silent for a while, both too focused on eating to say much of anything all, but this is normal for them now. The silence is comfortable and easy. Minhyuk lazily scrolls through Instagram with his phone propped against his coffee while he eats. Jooheon leans over and plays some music quietly from his speakers as background noise, an OST from a drama they watched together. They sing along together lazily, on and off. Their voices sound good together, Jooheon thinks.

At some point, Minhyuk outstretches the last piece of pork for Jooheon to take a bite of, nudging him gently under the table with his foot to get his attention. When Jooheon easily accepts, wrapping his lips around the chopsticks, Minhyuk’s eyes soften so much that it actually startles him. The sudden amount of warmth and fondness in his expression takes him aback.

Jooheon wonders just what Minhyuk just saw that could make him look at him like that.

It isn’t the first time he’s seen this expression either.

It’s something more than friendly. It’s the same way Minhyuk looks at him when he runs his hands through Jooheon’s freshly done hair in music show fitting rooms. The same way he looks at him when Jooheon lets Minhyuk into his bed to watch videos on their phones instead of sleeping. The same way he looks at him when someone else praises Jooheon and their eyes meet from across the room.

Minhyuk must notice the surprised look on Jooheon’s face because he looks startled too, as if he’s been caught, and quickly busies himself with taking another bite, looking back down at his phone. Suddenly, Minhyuk seems a little bit tense, his shoulders tucked in against himself while he picks at his food idly without actually bringing any of it to his mouth. Something about it feels off to Jooheon. Skinship and affection are totally normal for them and shameless is typically Minhyuk’s middle name; there’s not a lot, especially when involving Jooheon, that he would feel embarrassed about. 

He thinks about letting it go at first, but when he tries to ask Minhyuk what he plans to do for the rest of the afternoon and Minhyuk doesn’t react as if he didn’t hear anything, Jooheon decides that maybe there’s something wrong today. He has a gut feeling that something is on Minhyuk’s mind that he won’t share without prompting.

Jooheon packs up their empty lunch containers into their original plastic bags, taking Minhyuk’s as well considering he’s apparently finished eating, and sets them beside his studio door and out of the way. When he returns, he sits down on the futon on the opposite end from Minhyuk rather than across from him at his desk again, leaving just enough room between them. It makes Minhyuk break his unending forced eye contact with his phone screen, looking at Jooheon with obvious confusion.

“Aren’t you gonna work?” Minhyuk asks, finally speaking. “I thought that was why you came here today. Studio time?”

Jooheon doesn’t answer. “Can I ask you something, hyung?”

Locking his phone, Minhyuk looks hesitant. He tries to smile, likely in an attempt not to look awkward, but it gives him away instead when the smile doesn’t reach his eyes. It’s easy to tell from someone who naturally smiles so often.

“Uh, yeah? Of course. What’s up, Jooheon-ah?” 

“What about you? Why’d you come today?” 

Jooheon doesn’t know what he’s trying to accomplish with this, but as much as he’s enjoyed the company and has tried to just enjoy it without thinking too hard about it, he _has_ wondered why he visits so often. Minhyuk doesn’t make a habit out of spending a lot of time around others. He doesn’t hang in Changkyun or Hoseok’s studios or the other bedrooms at home for multiple hours at a time. It’s not just his studio either, when he really thinks about it. Minhyuk sits next to him in waiting rooms, chooses chairs next to him for fan signs and interviews, settles down beside him on the couch when they watch movies as a group. Touches as much of their bodies together as he can until Shownu or Kihyun scold them. It’s not like he avoids the others, he obviously loves being around and being affectionate with them too. And it’s not that it’s one sided between the two of them either, they’ve always clung close to each other since early on in their career. Jooheon is a lover of skinship and Minhyuk gives and takes it freely. But when Jooheon realizes just how often it’s _him_ Minhyuk chooses and not anyone else, it’s hard to let the thought go.

Minhyuk shifts, picks at thread at the hem of his shirt. He doesn’t make eye contact at all. Something is really up, Jooheon thinks. He wants to understand.

What makes Minhyuk want to be near him so badly? What makes him look at him like that sometimes, with such love in his eyes?

“Why do you want to spend time alone with me so often?”

Minhyuk seems frozen for a moment before he covers his face with a hand. He leans forward against the table, supporting his head with his elbow. He looks ashamed.

“I’m sorry. I’m too much, right? It’s too much.” His voice is whisper quiet. It makes Jooheon’s stomach turn.

Not wanting to be misunderstood, Jooheon quickly puts his hand on Minhyuk’s knee, rubbing where he knows his scar is reassuringly with his thumb.

“No hyung, that’s not what I mean. I like it, I like having you around. Really. I’d kick you out if I didn’t, you know that. I’ve just noticed that it’s… just me, you know? So I guess I’m just wondering, what’s so great about _me_?”

Sitting up straighter, Minhyuk runs his hand through his hair and Jooheon notices that his hand is shaking just slightly. He still won’t look him in the eye.

Jooheon didn’t realize how much he would hate not having Minhyuk’s eyes on him until he didn’t.

There’s a way that he remembers Minhyuk would take a breath before a performance when they were still rookies; eyes closed and head tipped back, one long inhale as if he was trying desperately to fill his lungs with confidence before they stepped out on stage. He’s not sure if anyone else ever noticed but it was the only way Jooheon could ever tell Minhyuk was nervous, the other usually more focused on appearing calm or excited for the sake of the group morale. But Jooheon noticed. In those moments, it was as if Minhyuk blocked everyone and everything else out as he took just that one breath and then when he opened his eyes again, he’d be ready for whatever they faced.

Minhyuk takes that same breath again before he speaks.

“Actually, Jooheon-ah, there’s something I’ve really wanted to talk to you about for a while. And it’s pretty important, I guess. That’s why I wanted to come today at least. So we could talk alone.” He laces his long fingers together in his lap. “So… would you… could you just listen for a little?” He looks at Jooheon quickly out of the corner of his eye and then back again. “It won’t interrupt your work, will it?”

Instinctually, Jooheon shifts to sit closer, presses his knee against Minhyuk’s and squeezes where his hand still rests just a bit tighter, just once.

“No, of course,” he murmurs, “let’s talk. I didn’t mean to force you to talk. I’ll listen. You can tell me anything, really.”

“I know, thank you... Do you remember the last long talk we had, a year or two ago? In the practice room, when I cried?”

Jooheon remembers. 

He’d found Minhyuk alone after hours of dancing himself to the bone. Minhyuk had pushed himself to practice the same section of choreo over and over again to avoid his feelings until it broke him. He’s still never seen Minhyuk cry like that to this day. He’d looked so small, so hurt, and Jooheon had shared a part of himself that he never thought he would in an attempt to make him smile again. Minhyuk had told him, in the lowest most frightened voice he’d ever heard, that he was gay. Told him how afraid he was of the others finding out and hating him, being disgusted by him. Afraid they’d shun him or worse, kick him out. Tell the company. Something one of the others had said that day made him feel like they knew, a comment Jooheon hadn’t even noticed. Jooheon had tried to reassure him that the others would never do or think something like that, but Minhyuk was too far gone, too deep in his own insecurities to accept it. 

So, Jooheon told him his secret in return. That he was too. He told him his own fears, that for him he didn’t think he’d ever tell anyone, friends or family. That he didn’t think he’d ever find someone or be in a relationship. How afraid he is of the idea of falling in love. It was so much easier, in his mind, to just be Joohoney. His stage persona. It was easier to focus on being a rapper, an artist, an idol, than it was to be a gay man. So he pretended it didn’t matter. Pretended it was never a part of him to begin with. He hadn’t intended to tell Minhyuk but the tears and the pain Minhyuk felt were all too familiar, so he had, for him.

They’d cried together silently for a while. Minhyuk held his hand so tightly his knuckles turned white. Jooheon told him it wasn’t fair to be so afraid of their members, their found family, but they didn’t have to tell them either, if they didn’t want to. 

So they didn’t. They had gotten patbingsu on the way home, watched a movie that Jooheon doesn’t remember, and went to bed. They hadn’t talked about it again since. 

Jooheon thinks maybe he’s starting to understand.

He nods so Minhyuk knows that he remembers and that he’s still listening.

“Back then,” he continues, “you were so kind to me. You took care of me. You made it feel okay. Like it really was fine, somehow. And then, you got so brave too, all on your own, with those things you say at award shows and concerts sometimes.” He pauses, opens his mouth to speak again and closes it. He looks like he can’t get the words out and Jooheon just waits, patiently, until he says, “I think I’ve done something really unfair to you, Jooheon-ah.”

It scares Jooheon, at first. He doesn’t know what Minhyuk could mean by that, what he could’ve done. For it to be about…this, he worries where this could be going. But he trusts his hyung. He knows Minhyuk can warp things in his own head when he’s upset, his insecurities turning himself into a villain. He wants to hear him out.

“What do you mean, unfair?” Jooheon prompts, gently.

Minhyuk draws a shaky breath. There are tears starting to form in the reddening corners of his eyes.

“You told me the truth you didn’t want to tell anyone and you told me your fears and I haven’t done anything to help you or comfort you in exchange.”

“But that’s not-”

Minhyuk looks at him then, finally, in the eyes as a tear falls down the side of his nose.

“You told me your fears and I took them and kept them. And then I fell in love with you instead. You told me how afraid of love you are and I went and did it anyway.”

  
  


It occurs to Jooheon that he isn’t surprised, not really. He’s known, he isn’t sure for how long, but he’s known. He sees it, like he did today. He feels it in every touch between them. It’s simple. The sun rises, then the moon, and Minhyuk loves him. But he’s taken it for granted in the same way.

From where Jooheon sits, he can see all of him. Minhyuk, his paints on the floor, his empty coffee on the desk, his jacket sitting on the back of the chair, his shoes in the corner. His little pieces that Jooheon collects. It’s not that Minhyuk lets himself into Jooheon’s life, Jooheon welcomes him. Minhyuk hasn’t ever taken anything from him, Jooheon has given. If anything, Jooheon feels that he’s the one who has kept Minhyuk, not the other way around. Inside his studio, inside his chest.

He told Minhyuk he was afraid of falling in love. And he meant it then, he really did. But he thinks that’s where he went wrong. Maybe he was scared of loving someone he doesn’t know, someone he doesn’t trust, someone who could hurt him. Jooheon is sensitive, his heart is fragile. 

But he’s never been afraid of Minhyuk. Not once.

Loving Minhyuk is as easy as breathing. He thinks that’s why he hasn’t noticed until now.

Jooheon takes Minhyuk’s hand lightly in his own, laces their fingers together and strokes the back of his hand with his other. 

“I’m not upset with you, hyung. I told you back then because I wanted to and I trusted you and you didn’t do anything to make me feel like I couldn’t.” Jooheon plays with his hand, touches the pads of their fingertips together softly. It sends tingling up through his arm. “You don’t love me _just_ because we’re both gay, right?”

Minhyuk shakes his head quickly, desperately, bangs falling into his face.

“Then it’s okay. I’m not scared of you. Out of anyone, I’d want it to be you.”

The disbelief is obvious on Minhyuk’s face when he looks back to him again. 

“It’s okay…?”

“Yeah, I’m okay with it. No, I like it,” Jooheon says decidedly. “I asked, and if the answer is because you love me, I’m happy. Really. Please don’t feel guilty for loving me.”

Minhyuk has held himself mostly limp against Jooheon but he finally closes his fingers, squeezes his hand back, runs his thumb against Jooheon’s skin so tentatively and tenderly. It’s so gentle it almost gives Jooheon goosebumps. He can smell Minhyuk’s cologne from where he sits and it smells like his bedsheets, like warmth and safety.

“Then, can I ask something selfish?”

Jooheon smiles. He already knows his answer.

“Only if I can answer selfishly too.”

Minhyuk’s hair tickles the side of his neck as he leans over and rests his head against Jooheon’s shoulder.

“Can I have you all to myself?” His voice is quieter than he’s ever heard it. “Will you be mine?”

“I think I already am, hyung,” he kisses the space just above Minhyuk’s eyebrow. “And you’re mine, too.” 

Minhyuk’s other hand comes up to grasp the front of Jooheon’s shirt, and he turns to look him in the eyes. His eyelids are still lightly rimmed pink like he could cry again at any moment, but he looks hopeful instead. Hesitant, but expectant. 

He’s close, suddenly, so close, and Jooheon’s mind turns into warm static.

“Will you say it, then? For me, so I can hear it. I want to hear it.”

Pressing their foreheads together, Jooheon whispers it against his lips:

“I’m in love with you.”

When Minhyuk closes the slight distance between them, Jooheon realizes just how long he’s been waiting to feel their mouths pressed together like this. He’s imagined it when they’ve sat so, so close together during work, nearly right on top of each other, and there wasn’t enough space to think of anything else but his lips. He’s imagined it the times Minhyuk has kissed him so fleetingly on the cheek or the neck like it was nothing at all. And at night, when the distance between them, just a room but so much more, always felt almost too much to bear, so far away, and he craved the feel of him more than sleep. 

Minhyuk’s lips are so delicate, just the way they look, and softer than he could’ve imagined. They fit so perfectly against Jooheon’s own. Jooheon cups the side of Minhyuk’s face and he melts into him, pressing closer, kissing deeper. Their chests are almost flush against each other, and he can feel the rise and fall of Minhyuk’s breath, feels it hot against his skin. They part, so briefly, and Minhyuk kisses him again urgently, firmer, hungrier. It makes Jooheon feel dizzy. Their hands tangle in each other’s hair, they pull at each other’s shirts, clawing desperately at each other to feel closer. Closer. They kiss until Jooheon’s lips feel swollen. 

There’s a heat spreading from the base of Jooheon’s neck down and down through his legs and he needs _more_.

He doesn’t know if he can take any more.

When Jooheon finally pulls away to take a breath, Minhyuk whispers into the curve of Jooheon’s jaw: “This is your last chance to tell me no. If you don’t, I’m never going to let go of you. I’ll want you forever, I mean that.”

Jooheon thinks he might moan, but he can’t hear himself anymore, just the beating of his heart in his own ears. He takes Minhyuk’s earlobe between his teeth. 

Everything feels like too much but not enough.

“Please don’t _ever_ let me go.”

In an instant, Minhyuk is straddling his lap, and he’s all Jooheon can see, taste, smell. Their tongues find each other in the haze of longing and the noise it draws out of Minhyuk’s throat is one of the most sinful sounds he’s ever heard. Suddenly, Jooheon’s own lack of experience is all too obvious to himself, a red siren blaring somewhere deep in the back of his mind, but Minhyuk doesn’t seem to notice nor care. He’s too preoccupied with working his long slender hands up under Jooheon’s shirt, running his fingers under the waistband of Jooheon’s jeans. Minhyuk is everywhere, pressing Jooheon deeper back against the couch and Jooheon can’t get enough of the feel of his weight pressing against him. Thumbs dig into Jooheon’s abdomen, his hips, fingertips brush against his collarbones, his nipples. 

“Minhyuk-hyung,” Jooheon moans openly into Minhyuk’s mouth. Minhyuk bites down on his full lower lip in response.

“You’re so beautiful, Jooheonie,” Minhyuk murmurs against his neck, pressing open mouthed kisses from the edge of his jaw again and down to his shoulder, pulling his shirt to the side for more access to his skin. “So pretty, my honey, so _gorgeous_. My angel, my honeybee”

There’s fire in Jooheon’s veins and throbbing near his thighs. He can feel his heartbeat everywhere. He can’t believe things have turned to this, so suddenly, but it feels so right after so long. So much waiting ended in a second. His hands thread back into Minhyuk’s hair and pull tightly as Minhyuk sucks hard against his shoulder, far from where any marks would be visible to anyone else. Both of them are breathing so hard it seems like it could be the only sound left in the world, the only thing either of them could hear ever again. It’s beautiful, Jooheon thinks.

Minhyuk pulls back enough to look Jooheon in the eyes, expression full of adoration and lust. He looks like nothing Jooheon has ever seen before; this Minhyuk isn’t a Minhyuk that he knows and it’s _thrilling_ to Jooheon. He was so sure he had seen everything, known everything about him. But this is just for him, just between them. His lips, his skin, his eyes all glisten wetly under the dim lights of the studio and it feels forbidden, sensual. 

Jooheon is so in love it aches deep in his bones.

“Is this okay, really?” Minhyuk whispers, chest heaving, strands of hair sticking to his forehead. “Is this too much too fast?”

Jooheon slips his hands under Minhyuk’s shirt this time, gripping both sides of his slender hips and pulling him down against his own in one motion. The fabric between them is thinner for Minhyuk, more intense, and the drag makes him whine, high and lovely.

“Not enough,” Jooheon exhales, almost unable to form words anymore. The only thing in his mind is making Minhyuk make that noise again and again.

Minhyuk doesn’t need any more encouragement. He uses the weight of his body to roll his hips down again onto Jooheon and their bodies curl into each other at the feeling, overwhelmed. Jooheon decides his jeans need to exit the picture as quickly as possible and he unbuttons them with one hand, pushing them down just enough to expose his briefs underneath, the rush of cold air making him realize just how burning hot he feels. Minhyuk, forehead braced against Jooheon’s shoulder and watching, whimpers at the sight of Jooheon nearly exposed and straining against the cloth. Jooheon does the same for Minhyuk, pulling his sweats down easily until the waistband is around his legs, some of the skin of his bare thighs exposed. Jooheon immediately takes the muscle in his hand and squeezes, biting gently but firmly at Minhyuk’s throat as he does.

Minhyuk hisses a “fuck” through his teeth and grinds down more insistently this time, and then again, the lessened barrier between them doing little to hide how hard they are against each other and instead providing just enough friction to make them both moan in shock. Jooheon wants so badly to just take Minhyuk in his hand and feel his weight in his palm but he doesn’t want to lose the pleasure they both feel for even a second. Minhyuk trembles under his hands and Jooheon feels like he’s drowning in the feeling of him, the taste of his skin against his lips.

Jooheon experimentally grinds his own hips upwards until they find a matching rhythm together. Minhyuk’s raspy breath and soft keening in Jooheon’s ear makes him feel closer and closer with each motion. Gently, he puts a hand against Minhyuk’s shoulder and pushes his top half away so that he can see him. Minhyuk looks down at him with half-lidded, desire drunk eyes, and uses one hand to brace himself against Jooheon’s chest for balance, near Jooheon’s collarbones. Jooheon leans his head back just enough to motion for Minhyuk to reach just a bit higher, and he takes the hint, smirking just slightly through his bliss, wrapping his large hand around the base of his throat without closing too firmly.

Jooheon mouths “I love you,” meeting Minhyuk’s gaze and trying to express just how much he means it through his eyes, and Minhyuk’s fingers twitch around his neck, fingertips digging lightly into his pulse point. He comes, suddenly, body hitching, breath catching, and presses his forehead hard against Jooheon’s again as he rides out his orgasm against him. Jooheon quickly captures his bottom lip between his teeth as he follows, growling low in the back of his throat as he feels the wetness spread and soak between the fabric of both of their briefs.

Falling forward limp against Jooheon’s chest, Minhyuk gasps, claws at the fabric of Jooheon’s sweat soaked t-shirt and tries to catch his breath. Jooheon wraps both arms around him, holding him tightly against his body. He rubs circles between his shoulder blades, buries his nose into Minhyuk’s hair. He ignores how hot and sticky their bodies feel against one another and instead tries to just absorb and memorize the feeling of Minhyuk against him as his brain desperately tries to work through its post-orgasm fog.

“Fuck… _fuck_ ,” Minhyuk pants, legs trembling. 

Jooheon cups his face with both hands, making him look him in the eyes again. Minhyuk looks back with amazement and disbelief written all across his face.

“...I love you. Oh my god, I _love_ you, Jooheon.” 

Jooheon kisses him once, sweetly, before he can’t help himself and instead begins to laugh. Baffled giggles bubble out of Minhyuk’s chest in return and they can’t stop looking at each other as if they’re seeing each other for the first time ever. It feels like they stare at each other in wonder for an eternity before either of them can speak again.

“What the fuck,” is the first thing out of Jooheon’s lips and Minhyuk smacks him lightly in the shoulder twice.

“What the fuck!” He mirrors back. His laughter is the cutest in the world, Jooheon thinks.

Reaching over and plucking a few tissues from the box on his desk, Jooheon dabs the sweat away from Minhyuk’s forehead for him. He uses another to clean himself up as best he can.

“Is this how you expected this to go today, hyung?”

“No! Not at all.” His voice cracks with his awe and Jooheon smiles so hard it makes his dimpled cheeks hurt. “Oh my god.” He brushes his hair out of his face, sits back against Jooheon’s legs to rest his knees. His cheeks and ears are flushed bright red. “Is this… is it really this easy? Is this okay?”

“Yes,” Jooheon replies without hesitation. “Yes, it’s okay. Yes, we can have this. Don’t we deserve this?”

He doesn’t know if he says it more for Minhyuk’s sake or his own, but it feels good either way.

“Yeah,” Minhyuk nods, disbelieving grin stuck across his face. “Yeah.”

A text notification goes off from the table, loud enough that it makes both of them startle into one another. Minhyuk almost falls backwards off of him. They look at each other in panic, first instinct for the both of them being that someone has somehow found them out, that someone knows what they’ve just done even if that’s impossible. But Jooheon shakes himself out of it first, squeezes Minhyuk’s arm reassuringly. He nods for him to check it. Minhyuk rolls himself off of Jooheon’s lap, sitting normally next to him, and reaches over to retrieve his phone. Jooheon notes how ridiculous they both look in the moment, neither of their pants pulled back up, hair an absolute disheveled mess.

Reading the message over, Minhyuk visibly deflates.

“What is it, Minhyukie?”

“Manager needs me,” he responds. Disappointment is heavy in his voice. “Something came up for Inkigayo on Sunday and they need me for an hour or two.” He puts his phone face down on the table again, lying back against the back of the couch to stare dramatically at the ceiling. “Oh my god, why? Why right now? I have never wanted to do _anything_ less in my life.”

Jooheon sighs. Leaning over, he touches just their shoulders together, lightly kissing the side of Minhyuk’s ear. 

“Don’t want you to go.”

“Don’t want to go.” Minhyuk sits back up hesitantly, finally pulling his pants back up where they belong, looking a little disgruntled at the feeling. He stands up. Jooheon instinctually reaches out and grabs onto his hand again. He wants nothing more than to just pull him back down onto him. “Have to, though. Fuck being an idol, today specifically. And only because I don’t get to stay with you. Can’t you just come with me to SBS? My emotional support Honey?” 

Jooheon gives him a snort in return. He rights himself again as well, and stands to meet him, placing his hands on his hips and leaning his forehead against Minhyuk’s again, nuzzling against him softly. 

“Fuck being an idol,” he agrees. “I think the staff would have some questions if I just showed up though.” Minhyuk grins and presses light kisses to Jooheon’s chin and jaw. “It’s probably for the best, I have deadlines to meet too. So, fuck being an idol,” He kisses Minhyuk back, on the tip of his nose. “But I’ll see you tonight at home.”

Making his eyes as sweet and innocent looking as possible, Minhyuk asks, “Can I sleep in your bed tonight?”

“Can you make it convincing for Hyungwon-hyung and Shownu-hyung?”

“Are you doubting my acting skills, Lee Jooheon?” He pinches Jooheon’s ass through his jeans and Jooheon bumps his forehead against Minhyuk’s playfully in retaliation. “I do it all the time anyway, what is there to pretend about?”

“You’re right. Then of course we can sleep together. I’d never say no to that.”

“And then tomorrow, can I-”

“If you _don’t_ come here tomorrow with me, I’ll be pissed at you forever.”

Minhyuk cackles, in the way the other’s call his dolphin laugh. Jooheon still thinks he sounds like an angel, somehow. Maybe love really is blind.

“Okay, deal.”

“Okay.”

As they look each other in the eyes again for a moment, the familiar and easy banter falls away and they can both feel the change between them hanging heavy in the air. It feels terrifying, a little, all of the things they’ll need to talk about and all the things they’ll have to consider when it comes to this. Their relationship. Something so new has too many blank spaces and question marks. But Jooheon has the feeling they’ll be okay, even if it isn’t easy. He’s willing to fight for this, if he has to.

So, Jooheon simply kisses him again. 

“I love you, hyung.”

“I love you too. So much.” Minhyuk whispers back against his lips.

He lets him go. Sitting back in his desk chair, Jooheon watches as Minhyuk gathers his things to leave. He moves slowly, so unwilling to part.

When he reaches for his lost jacket on the chair in the corner, Jooheon stops him before he can put it on.

“Not that one. Take mine.”

Minhyuk looks at him so, so fondly.

He does, takes one of Jooheon’s oversized puffer jackets from a hook behind his door and puts it on. It looks long on him, even though they’re similar in size. It’s cute. It covers the front of his sweats the way Jooheon had hoped, too.

“And don’t forget to clean up at home before you go. You’re gross.”

“No thanks to someone! Don’t make me throw my shoes at you, brat.” Minhyuk finishes slipping said shoes on, and hesitates with his hand on the handle of the door. “See you soon.” He gives an aegyo wink and blows a kiss before he goes. Jooheon just laughs, shaking his head until he fully shuts it behind him.

Before Minhyuk could possibly even be all the way down the hallway, he texts Jooheon a Ryan sticker with heart eyes and about 20 different heart emojis.

He sends about a hundred back.

And then, Jooheon spends the rest of the afternoon writing instead of work.

He writes lyrics about a boy who keeps the sun in his mouth and kisses with just as much warmth.

He decides he’ll never let anyone else read them. He keeps them just for himself, his own little secret, and leaves them in the empty coffee cup on his desk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy one year with ongsimi! i didn't intend to publish this on the anniversary but i thought it was too fitting not to for joohyuk. this is my first fic but i'll hopefully be writing another soon, or another chapter to this one maybe. you can find me at lucaelum on twitter, if you'd like! hope you enjoyed it :)
> 
> (7/30 edit: second chapter added!)


	2. Chapter 2

The two of them have slept together many times but it’s never felt quite like this before. Usually they’d sleep with just their backs touching under the warmth of the blankets, or one of them with an arm lightly thrown over the other over the comforter. But Minhyuk has never woken up held so tightly in Jooheon’s arms, head resting against his chest and the sound of his heartbeat right next to his ear, so close and so warm and knowing exactly how Jooheon loves him. This is something he thought he’d maybe never have the chance to feel. The room is quiet, just the two of them now and the golden afternoon sunlight pouring in through the blinds. Even the rest of the house is a rare kind of silent for the middle of the day, nothing but the low whirr of the air conditioning working.

Minhyuk isn’t sure he even remembers when Jooheon had gotten into bed with him. The night before Jooheon had been late making it back home from the studio so Minhyuk had made himself at home on the younger’s bed rather than his own, chatting with Hyungwon and Shownu until they both went to sleep. Luckily neither of them batted an eye at the idea of Minhyuk waiting up for Jooheon in his bed. Eventually, the rapper had texted him that he was on his way home, apologizing for staying so late to meet a deadline, but Minhyuk had been so comfortable and relaxed in his bed that he must’ve fallen asleep before he made it back. Jooheon’s pillows were so soft and smelled so much like him (overwhelmingly like his comforting baby powder-like scent) so the combination must have soothed Minhyuk right to sleep.

The way the sunlight is coming in from outside hits Jooheon just perfectly as he sleeps. It makes his skin glow, casts a beautiful dewy sheen across his face, and Minhyuk thinks he looks just like an angel. He lovingly traces a finger across his cheek, just light enough so as not to wake him. He’s so peaceful in his sleep, his dark eyelashes grazing the tops of his cheeks and his beautiful, kissable lips parted just slightly. Just looking at him, the events of yesterday rush back to Minhyuk’s mind and make his face feel warm.

Jooheon and he are together, finally. Jooheon, his pretty, angelic Jooheon, is his. The feelings he had kept a secret for so many months, if not years, were finally reciprocated. It’s not at all how he had imagined it going, so much easier and painless than he ever could’ve thought, no drama, no heartbreak, and it all feels too good to be true.

Minhyuk wonders if he’s really awake right now or if this is just a perfect, perfect dream.

Unable to resist the temptation, Minhyuk brushes the tip of his thumb against Jooheon’s bottom lip. His lips are so, so soft and full and Minhyuk knows now after so much daydreaming how it feels to kiss him, to have his lips all over his skin. Just the thought makes him feel lightheaded.

The touch is accidentally enough to wake Jooheon. His eyes flutter open so slowly and he squints against the brightness of the room. It looks like it takes a second for Jooheon to process that Minhyuk is looking up at him but once he does, his face softens sleepily and he turns his head to bury his head in Minhyuk’s hair. Minhyuk runs his fingers gently through the other’s sleep mussed hair in exchange.

“Good morning,” he whispers, any words at all feeling almost too loud against the quiet of the room, “I didn’t mean to wake you, Honey.”

Jooheon presses a languid barely-there kiss to the top of Minhyuk’s head. The tips of Minhyuk’s ears flush.

“S’okay,” Jooheon slurs in response, obviously trying to get his bearings, “Hyungs already get up? What time is it?”

Minhyuk nuzzles his nose against Jooheon’s neck and gives him a ghost of a kiss back. He can feel the way it makes Jooheon almost shudder. He wonders if Jooheon feels just as lightly nervous as he does.

“No idea, but if Hyungwon is awake and out of bed, we’ve been asleep a _long_ time.”

Jooheon pauses for a moment thinking it over and then decides: “Good, we deserve it. I was so tired yesterday.” He sinks back further into the pillow beneath them.

“I bet. You got home so late.” Minhyuk debates whether or not to add it, but he decides to be honest. “I missed you.”

“Sorry, Min,” Jooheon’s hand, the one wrapped around him which rests against Minhyuk’s back, rubs circles soothingly against his soft sleep shirt. “I didn’t mean to be out so long but I got an email about really needing to send something over so-”

“Don’t worry, baby,” Minhyuk likes how Jooheon pulls him closer at the pet name, just shy of possessive, “it’s okay. I just watched a drama with Wonnie til he went to bed. I don’t know when I even fell asleep.”

Jooheon adjusts so they’re laying next to each other at an equal height, resting his head against Minhyuk’s and pressing their noses together. Minhyuk takes a deep breath and tries to just appreciate the closeness.

“You were so cute when I came in and saw you asleep in my bed. You had your fist clenched in your sleep like a baby the way you do all the time. You felt like a present just for me wrapped up in my sheets.”

Minhyuk playfully shoves at his chest.

“Jooheon-ah, stooop... I’m embarrassed.”

Jooheon giggles, mouth just millimeters from Minhyuk’s. 

“What, because I called you cute?”

“Yes!”

“Well, you are. I can’t call my own boyfriend cute?” The flirtatious tone of Jooheon’s voice gives Minhyuk butterflies in his stomach. Flirting is something Minhyuk has always been weak to, immediately melting under it unless he’s the one initiating itself. It still hasn’t fully sunk in that this is real, that they’re really together, and hearing Jooheon use the word _boyfriend_ feels incredibly surreal.

Minhyuk reaches up and grasps the back of Jooheon’s neck, closing the little distance left between them.

“Stop teasing me and just kiss me already.” 

Jooheon does.

It’s their first kiss since the day before, and though more familiar now to the both of them, it still feels so foreign and exciting. Minhyuk leans into it, pulling Jooheon’s body as close as he can against his. He can’t help but sigh into the kiss at the feeling of being pressed together and Jooheon smiles just slightly against his lips. He cups the side of Minhyuk’s face with his hand and tilts his head a bit more to deepen the kiss, pulls back and kisses him again and again in a way that makes the older man’s head spin. The brush of their lips, soft and wet, is enough to bring him to tears. It’s risky, doing this here rather than the studio when Jooheon’s roommates could walk in at any time, but Minhyuk can’t bring himself to care when Jooheon’s mouth feels so good and warm and comforting against his own. 

Minhyuk runs his hands over the front of Jooheon’s t-shirt, across his pecs. Their legs tangle together underneath the blanket and the front of Jooheon’s hips press against the top of Minhyuk’s thigh. He can feel Jooheon steadily growing hard against him as they kiss, no doubt helped along by morning sensitivity and the thrill of what they’re doing. The feeling is satisfying, knowing exactly how strongly he can affect the other from just a bit of kissing. Minhyuk takes his bottom lip between his and sucks teasingly.

“Feel good?”

Rolling his hips just slightly, Jooheon only makes a low noise in the back of his throat in answer. He pulls away to place open mouthed kisses down Minhyuk’s neck, sucking light enough to not leave a mark but just enough to leave Minhyuk feeling like a live wire, hot static running from his neck down his spine.

“Jooheon-ah…”

“I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since yesterday, hyung. It was so hard to get anything done because I couldn’t get you out of my head. It happened so fast and I didn’t get to have enough of you. You were so sexy, so beautiful, so perfect…” 

He grazes his teeth against the sensitive skin where Minhyuk’s neck and shoulder meets and Minhyuk can’t help the small keen that escapes his lips at the feeling.

“Do you want to know a secret, Jooheon-ah?” He asks breathlessly, heart rate steadily picking up from the drag of Jooheon’s bottom lip on his jaw. Everything is starting to feel hot, too hot.

“Of course.”

Pulling him forward by his shirt collar, Minhyuk takes his earlobe between his lips and whispers right against his ear, knowing his breath against the delicate skin will make Jooheon shiver. “When I got home from the job I had to do at SBS, I took a shower. And while I did, I thought of you and touched myself.”

Minhyuk feels the way it makes Jooheon twitch against his thigh. Jooheon quickly turns his head and moans into the pillow beneath them to try and silence the sound. It makes Minhyuk smirk in satisfaction. 

“Can I tell you something else? It’s not the first time I’ve done that either.”

“ _Fuck,_ hyung, fuck,” Jooheon pants, mouthing desperately at Minhyuk’s neck, all tongue and teeth, breath hot, “Want you so bad. _Need_ you so bad..”

“Heonie,” Minhyuk says quietly, a secret just between the two of them, “can I touch you?”

“Please. _Please.”_

The sound of begging goes straight between Minhyuk’s legs. There’s not one ounce of hesitation in Jooheon’s voice, not a bit of embarrassment about his desire. Jooheon has always been needy when it comes to Minhyuk’s attention, but seeing it presented to him under this kind of light is exhilarating. With permission given, Minhyuk wastes no time slipping his hand underneath the waistband of Jooheon's sweats, palming him gently but firmly over his briefs. He whines at the sensation, too much but too little all at once. Jooheon is much more impatient this time around compared to in the studio, knowing exactly what he wants and how badly. He throws the blanket off of them, leaving Minhyuk feeling exposed with his hand down Jooheon’s pants but he doesn’t think he minds. 

“Off, everything off, need you,” Jooheon groans, swiftly pulling his sweats and briefs down together with his thumbs, his cock falling back hard and heavy against his stomach. Minhyuk sucks in air through his teeth at the sudden sight after their nearly fully clothed first encounter. There’s a moment where he wonders if they’re going too fast but after how long he’s waited for this and how close he feels to the younger he knows they’re okay. If Jooheon wants this too, it’s okay. He’s gorgeous, Minhyuk thinks, thick and flushed and inviting. It’s different not just feeling but also seeing how badly Jooheon _wants_. 

Minhyuk rubs the sensitive skin of his hip with his thumb, pressing just a bit against his hip bone. It’s teasing, he knows, maybe a bit mean. Jooheon makes another desperate noise and Minhyuk starts to worry about their volume, the rest of the house still so incredibly silent in contrast to their sounds. If anyone is still home, they’ll surely be found out if they keep it up like this.

Minhyuk places an open mouthed kiss against the skin right behind Jooheon’s jaw and whispers, “If I touch you, baby, you have to be good and quiet for me, okay?” Pulling back to look at his face, he wonders if that’s possible at this point with how flushed Jooheon is, how clouded over with lust his eyes are. Minhyuk decides to add, feeling daring in a way he’s not sure he has before, “Or else I’ll have to make you stay quiet. What do you think about that?”

Jooheon is so pliant underneath him, soft and pink and needy. The nod he gives in response is shaky, the barest hint of tears forming in the corner of his eyes. His expression says it all, that he’ll do anything Minhyuk asks of him as long as he’ll finally wrap his fingers around him and give him even a little relief. This side of Jooheon is addictive, dangerous. Minhyuk could get too used to this. Tentatively, Minhyuk presses his thumb deeper against Jooheon’s hip while at the same time, with his other hand, he presses the pads of his fingers against his lips. 

Jooheon quickly takes the hint, wrapping his lips around the tips of Minhyuk’s pointer and middle finger. Breathing, Minhyuk thinks, isn’t something he thought would be so easy to forget. He struggles for a second to return the air to his lungs as the wet heat swallows him. Jooheon’s lips are maybe one of his favorite parts of him, the part he will admit he’s maybe stared at much too often, and they feel so incredibly good around his fingers in a way he never could’ve imagined. Finger sensitivity isn’t something he had ever considered but the sensation makes the tightness in his pants almost unbearable.

Minhyuk whispers a praising “Good,” against Jooheon’s ear, and Jooheon responds by taking his fingers deeper into his mouth, running his tongue between them and sucking lightly. The pleasure feels like it rips through Minhyuk and he sinks his teeth around Jooheon’s earlobe to muffle his moan. He decides he deserves a reward finally for how well he’s listened. Minhyuk finally wraps his hand around his waiting cock, large hand almost closing around the entire length. Jooheon whimpers softly, almost immediately bucking his hips against Minhyuk’s grip. Minhyuk feels him swirl his tongue around his finger tips, pull back until they almost leave his lips and push them deeper again until they almost hit the back of his tongue. His spit glassy lips are red and swollen and gorgeous.

Minhyuk can’t help but imagine his cock in place of his fingers.

It’s impossible not to lose himself to the feeling, mind blanking out as he latches his lips against Jooheon’s collar bone, wanting nothing more than to mark his pale skin again and again, to claim him. At some point in the haze Jooheon reaches blindly beneath his bed frame and pulls out a bottle of lube and shakily shoves it in Minhyuk’s free hand. (Minhyuk can’t help but smirk a little at this new knowledge, the fact that it’s been there every time they’ve shared a bed without his knowing.) Minhyuk slicks his hand just a bit to make the slide easier, unsure of the pace he sets but Jooheon thrusts his hips up eagerly to meet him. He shifts to position himself so that he can press his own erection against Jooheon’s bare thigh, rutting roughly against him seeking friction and some kind of release from the pressure. Jooheon seems to hate the fact that Minhyuk is still clothed, quickly reaching down to wrench his sweats and underwear down and around his thighs. Minhyuk hisses at the sudden exposure but the feeling of himself against the warm skin of Jooheon’s thigh is overwhelming, satisfying.

Jooheon suddenly takes Minhyuk’s fingers from his mouth and Minhyuk immediately misses the feeling.

“Hyung,” he breathes, voice low and breaking, “Take your shirt off too? Wanna see you.”

“Of course, baby.”

Minhyuk pulls his shirt over his head from the back of the collar with one hand. The sight of his chest exposed makes Jooheon bite his lip. Minhyuk can see the hunger flood his eyes. Minhyuk quickly replaces his hand back onto Jooheon’s cock and keeps the motion steady as Jooheon roughly runs his hand up and across his abs and to his chest. He looks up at Minhyuk with pleading eyes.  
  
“Want my mouth on you. So pretty, hyung, love you so much.”

Minhyuk positions himself so that his chest is within reach of Jooheon’s mouth. At the same time, Jooheon grips his hip with one hand, pulling Minhyuk harder down against his thigh. Lips find their way around one of Minhyuk’s nipples, tongue swiping hotly around it, and he has to bite down hard on his own lip to keep himself from whining, the dual stimulation almost too much. Whimpering, he ruts his hips against Jooheon quicker, feeling just moments from losing himself.

“Close, Jooheon-ah, feels so good.”

Jooheon again firmly urges Minhyuk’s hips forward, pressing his nails into his skin under his grip. He grazes his teeth against the nipple he has captured between his lips and that’s what does Minhyuk in: he spills against Jooheon’s thigh, riding out his orgasm against the slick of his cum against Jooheon’s skin. The feeling must be what sends Jooheon over the edge as well, Minhyuk feels him lurch and go stiff under his hand, cum dripping down across his fingers. 

Minhyuk can only hear the rush of blood in his ears as he comes down from his post-orgasm fog, gripping tightly at the sheets on either side of Jooheon’s head. He looks blissed out as well, eyes half-lidded and his face and chest flushed so red, but he smiles up at Minhyuk so sweetly and shyly it makes Minhyuk feel like he could melt.

Minhyuk leans down to kiss him, lips pressing together so gently just as the bedroom door clicks open.

  
  


“Minhyuk-hyung, are you- Oh fuck! Oh shit. Shit. S-sorry? Sorry.” 

Hyungwon. He’s in the room and gone again almost as quickly as he entered, door slamming behind him, but not before, unfortunately, making eye contact with both Minhyuk and Jooheon. There was no time to even attempt to try to change their positions or cover themselves up. All they could do was stare back like deer in headlights, exposed, naked, trapped. Minhyuk’s body, so hot only seconds ago, feels like ice, cold fear spreading through his chest as he stares at the closed door where Hyungwon had been standing. He can’t even bring himself to look back down at Jooheon, so afraid of what he might see in his expression, all at once feeling so guilty about all of it, like everything leading up to this had been his fault, like if he had done something differently this wouldn’t have happened, like if he hadn’t confessed-

“Fuck.” Jooheon whispers underneath him and Minhyuk feels like crying.

“Jooheon-ah,” he starts, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry-”

Jooheon turns Minhyuk’s head towards him again with a light press of his fingers to his jaw. 

“No, why? There’s nothing to be sorry about.”

Minhyuk leans his forehead down against Jooheon’s, hands shaking where he still holds himself up braced on either side of him.

“I told him we could have lunch together last night, that’s why he was looking for me, I forgot, if I hadn’t then-”

“Hyung.” He tilts Minhyuk’s chin gently this time, urging him to look him in the eyes. Minhyuk can’t deny him, but he can’t help the tears that form in his eyes either. “Listen to me. We’re in this together and I’m not blaming you. We just need to talk to him, alright? The timing was bad, it sucks, but he’s our brother. It’s going to be okay.”

Minhyuk can hear the tremor in his voice but he knows Jooheon is trying so hard to be the strong one in this situation, trying to believe what he’s saying too, for Minhyuk’s sake. It makes his heart hurt but this side of Jooheon is one of many that he fell in love with in the first place: how brave he can be when trying to care for someone else first.

Minhyuk nods slowly, pulls his pants back up, trying to rid himself of the shame he’s feeling because he owes it to Jooheon. He reaches for tissues from Jooheon’s bedside table and helps him wipe himself off.

“But I don’t want to leave you yet.” 

It comes out sounding sadder than he meant and he flinches.

Jooheon leans up and kisses him, softly, sweetly.

“I don’t want you to either. But you should go talk to him, sooner rather than later.”

Minhyuk sighs. He sits on the edge of the bed, running a hand through his hair. He grabs his phone and weighs it back and forth in his hands hesitantly, knowing he should text Hyungwon quickly but not knowing how.

“I know, you’re right. I just hope that next time I can actually stay…” He pauses, unsure, but then he adds the truth because he knows he can trust Jooheon. “Jooheon-ah, I’m scared.”

“I know.” Jooheon repeats. He sits up, pulling his own pants up, and wraps his arms around Minhyuk’s middle from behind. He nuzzles the back of his neck and it helps to soothe Minhyuk, just a little bit. “He’s your best friend, though. He loves you. He didn’t follow you here for no reason. He didn’t fight to debut with you for no reason. He’ll listen, okay?” He kisses the back of Minhyuk’s neck. “Do you want me to come too?”

Minhyuk shakes his head, placing his hand over Jooheon’s and lacing their fingers together. “I think it should just be me and him. I should’ve had this conversation with him already, I think. I never told him, only you. Maybe I should have.”

“Don’t be hard on yourself,” Jooheon rocks them back and forth, so subtly, but it’s comforting, “Who you tell and when is your choice, you know that. I never told anyone but you either. That’s alright. As long as you're honest now, that’s what matters. And you don’t owe him everything either, just what you want to share.”

“You’re so mature, Heonie,” it makes Jooheon snort just a bit, but Minhyuk means it. “Thank you. I’m gonna… take a shower and meet with him, I think.”

“Alright. I’ll take one after you and be at the studio if you need me, okay?” 

“Okay.” Minhyuk turns around finally to kiss him again. He feels incredibly uncertain and like he’s standing on unstable ground, but Jooheon makes him feel like he truly has someone to lean on and depend on and it helps immensely. “I love you, so much.”

Jooheon cups his face, kisses him back once, firmly, meaningfully. “Me too, love you so much, Minhyukie.”

Hearing Jooheon call him that finally breaks a genuine smile out of him. It gives him the strength to get to his feet and make his way out of the room, giving Jooheon one last smile and tentative wave goodbye before heading down the hallway to grab what he needs for his shower from his room. Fingers trembling just slightly still, he texts Hyungwon as he goes:

“sorry, wonnie, didnt mean to forget about lunch. just need a shower first, lets talk ok?”

He adds a few emojis to try to soften the blow, or so he hopes. The bubble showing that Hyungwon is typing pops up almost instantly, surprising him.

“its fine meet you there in 30ish”

It relieves Minhyuk and scares him all at the same time, knowing the other well enough to know he doesn’t sound angry but unable to read him past that. Setting his phone face down on the bathroom counter, he tries his best not to dwell on it as he showers, trying instead just to focus on the feeling of the warm water against his skin and getting clean again. The process is comforting, going through his routine step by step, drying his hair and putting on his skin products afterwards. It’s a welcome distraction, helping to keep him from thinking too deeply about the situation he’s gotten himself into. This isn’t how he ever wanted Hyungwon to find out. Knowing he was caught, seen in such a vulnerable state, makes him feel dirty even when he knows he should not and does not actually feel ashamed of his relationship with Jooheon. He tries to remind himself of that fact over and over in his brain as he pulls on nondescript clothing and a mask to head outside. He has nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to Jooheon, so he shouldn’t feel ashamed about himself either. But after keeping his identity a secret for so long, it’s hard not to succumb back into the old fears and insecurities he’s held onto.

Minhyuk is about five minutes early when he arrives at the restaurant they had agreed on the night before (a quiet place on the same street as the dorm that they frequent), but he spots Hyungwon already waiting at a table despite that. He feels anxiety pierce through his abdomen at the sight of him but he tries to repeat what Jooheon had said to him in his head to calm down. _He’s my best friend. I don’t need to be scared of him._ Sliding quietly into the booth across from him, Minhyuk shrugs off his jacket and pulls his mask down over his chin so Hyungwon can see him properly. Hyungwon looks up from his phone that he had been intently staring at, startling just a little, and then relaxes when he sees that it’s just Minhyuk and not some stranger sidling up to him. 

“Hey,” Hyungwon greets him, voice sounding raspy as if he hadn’t used it all day. “I already ordered your usual.”

Minhyuk smiles and nods in his direction, praying he doesn’t look as awkward as he feels. 

“Thanks, Hyungwonnie.”

Hyungwon pulls his mask down as well now that Minhyuk is with him and the restaurant seems quiet enough, the likelihood of being seen low after the lunch rush. He looks tired with a bare face, but his skin still looks flawless despite it. His hair is mussed like he didn’t bother styling it before he left and he opted for his glasses instead of contacts. Today’s Hyungwon is Just Hyungwon, just his best friend, the idol Hyungwon put to the side for now.

“What have you been up to today? Where did the others head off to? The house was empty.” Minhyuk tries to make casual conversation first, figuring that they should probably warm up to the looming issue they have ahead of them. He fidgets with unwrapping a straw instead of making eye contact.

“Slept, watched Youtube on my phone in the living room.” _Which means he_ was _home the whole time_ , Minhyuk thinks. “Kihyun-hyung dragged Shownu-hyung to keep him company while he takes pictures somewhere, a park or something? I think he convinced him by promising to buy him dinner. Changkyunnie headed to the company I think. His turn to be a work-a-holic today, I guess.” Hyungwon pauses, stirring the straw in his glass of water, the ice clinking against the glass. He purses his lips for a second, looking deep in thought, and then continues. “We should probably talk about what you guys were doing too, huh?”

Minhyuk jumps, accidentally bending the straw in his hand in half so roughly the plastic splits. He discards it quickly, instead folding his hands in his lap and staring at the table intently.

“Sorry,” Hyungwon continues, noticing how badly Minhyuk had startled. “We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. It’s fine.”

“No, no, it’s…” Minhyuk bites his tongue, not sure exactly what he wants to say or how to say it. “It’s okay, I should talk about it probably. I think? I’m… I guess for starters, I’m sorry you saw that.”

Hyungwon hums noncommittally.

“I mean, I can’t say it’s what I was expecting to see, but I think I’ll live just fine once I recover my sight again.”

The joke startles Minhyuk, making him choke a little bit, but it helps break some of the tension he’s been feeling.

He decides maybe it’s time to just rip the bandaid off. It’s been years. And when it comes to Hyungwon, he knows he doesn’t need to beat around the bush needlessly.

“I’m gay, Wonnie,” he says under his breath, making sure Hyungwon is the only one in the restaurant who can hear him. “It’s a little late to be doing this, I know, but that’s… that’s it. I always have been, since we met... I’m sorry I never told you.”

To Minhyuk’s surprise, Hyungwon reaches across the table. He motions for Minhyuk to give his hand and he does, reaching up from where he was nervously fidgeting with his own fingers under the table to take it. Hyungwon gives his hand a squeeze, runs his thumb across his knuckles, and Minhyuk suddenly feels like he might collapse.

“I don’t care.” Hyungwon makes a face, looking disgruntled for a moment, like that’s not what he had intended to come out of his mouth. “Well, not like that, of course. ‘I don’t mind’ is maybe a better way of saying that. You don’t have to apologize or anything.” He strokes Minhyuk’s thumb over and over while he speaks, not making eye contact but not stopping either. “I’m not gonna say I expected it or that I knew or anything like that because I don’t think that’d be truthful, but I guess what I’ll say is that I never assumed you were straight either. We never talked about it, and I never _asked_ either _,_ so I never like, put you in that box? So it’s fine. I’m not like, shocked or anything like that. It makes sense, I think, not in a weird way but... I think I understand is what I’m trying to say?"He pulls his hand away a bit _,_ seeming insecure. “Sorry, I’m rambling, I don’t really know what I’m trying to say actually, you know I’m bad at this kind of thing.”

Minhyuk shakes his head quickly, reaching back for Hyungwon’s hand and holding it tightly. He feels tears prickling at the corners of his eyes, his nose feeling dangerously warm. He really doesn’t want to cry in this restaurant but the relief he feels washing over him is overwhelming. Minhyuk never doubted Hyungwon, not really, but the feeling of being accepted so openly and genuinely twice in the span of two days makes him feel incredibly emotional.

“Thank you…” He mumbles under his breath. “Really, Hyungwon-ah, thank you. You don’t have to say anything else, that’s all I needed to hear I think. I wish I had told you sooner. It’s not that I didn’t trust you, you know? I think my own insecurities just fucked me all up and made things worse in my head than they really were. I was afraid. It’s scary, not knowing.”

Hyungwon smiles at him, gently, sympathetically. He laces their fingers together. It’s not often that Hyungwon shows him affection in this way, usually it's things like an arm slung around his shoulders or pressing close together on the couch under a blanket, but it feels so comfortable in the moment. Times like this remind Minhyuk how long they’ve been friends, how much he values Hyungwon’s presence in his life.

“It’s okay, Minhyukie-hyung, really. You could’ve never told me and it would be fine, but thanks for trusting me now, anyway.” He pulls his hand away again, likely feeling embarrassed now from the prolonged emotional moment, but Minhyuk lets him this time with a small smile. 

He nods, finally putting a straw in his own glass of water and taking a drink to try and chase the feeling of tears out of his throat. “I do trust you, always.”

Hyungwon smiles, a little awkwardly, a little bashfully, and pauses for a moment like he has something else he wants to say. Eventually he starts, “About you and Jooheon…”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t wanna sound, like, insensitive? Or anything? You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. But like… is this just something the two of you do now? Or are you… an item?” Hyungwon picks at the hem of his shirt, and their roles suddenly being reversed makes Minhyuk chuckle just a bit, not sure why Hyungwon is feeling so nervous but finding it amusing anyway.

“Yeah, yeah. We’re a couple now. It happened yesterday.” He can’t help the light flush that creeps across his cheeks, joining the flush of his ears that’s been there since the beginning of their conversation.

Hyungwon looks up at him again finally, and his eyes soften, full of warmth. He looks pleased, satisfied, in a way Minhyuk wouldn’t have expected. He nods as if that was what he had been wanting to hear.

“Good. Good. I’m… I’m really happy for you, then. For both of you guys.”

“Thanks. I promise we’ll be more careful from now on. I think you might need your eyesight intact, being an idol and all.”

Hyungwon lets out a startled laugh, his laugh that sounds more like a bark than anything, and puts his head in his hand.

“Oh my god, I was starting to _forget_ about it, why did you have to bring it up again?”

“Humor to cope probably.”

Hyungwon rolls his eyes. “I’m begging you to change the subject hyung, this atmosphere is going to drive me insane. I can only take so much of this at once.”

“Me too, I’m literally gonna die if we don’t talk about something else.”

Their food comes out at just the right moment, the waitress cutting right through their leftover tension without realizing it, and once she leaves they both stare at each other for a moment before bursting out in laughter. It takes Hyungwon a minute to gather his composure again, as sensitive as always to laughing fits, and they’re able to dig into their food together without any awkwardness. He gets Hyungwon on the subject of video games, the drama they were watching together the night before and still need to finish, the music he’s been working on. They fall back into their regular everyday rhythm and Minhyuk’s heart feels like it could burst with affection. 

He doesn’t know how he got lucky enough to have these people in his life. He doesn’t know how he got lucky enough to receive this kind of love, this kind of unconditional support.

When they walk home together, Hyungwon slips his arm loosely around Minhyuk’s shoulders and Minhyuk’s footsteps feel light, a weight he didn’t realize had been _so_ heavy lifted from him. He knows this is still only the beginning, that he and Jooheon still have a lot more to consider and discuss about their relationship and many more roadblocks they’ll need to address. But right now, Minhyuk is leaving a situation that he expected to ruin his relationship with his best friend instead feeling closer to him than he ever could’ve expected. He thinks that’s a win, if just for today. 

Minhyuk makes a beeline for Jooheon’s bed when they make it home to the dorms, the other man having long since left for the studio, and he buries himself in the sheets that are still a mess from earlier that afternoon. He shoots a text to his boyfriend, letting him briefly know that things went okay (plus an extra few sappy stickers and an ‘i miss you’), and then presses his face into the pillowcase, breathing deeply.

The sunshine still streaming in through the window warms his skin, the heat of it mirroring the feeling in his chest. He lets himself cry, just a little bit, letting out what he had to keep in at the restaurant.

He thinks, for the first time in a long time, that maybe it’s okay to hope for things to turn out alright. 

He thinks, just maybe, it’s not so bad to think that he really can have this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have a huge soft spot for hyunghyuk's friendship, if you couldn't tell. thanks to everyone who waited so patiently for this second chapter! i have another one planned, if not maybe two, so please look forward to that as well. :)


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